Please Hold

The phrase I detest more than any other phrase besides, "Mom can I have money", is 'Please Hold'.  Today it seems that these two words are at the end of almost every call I make having to do with a city, state or government agency and that's only if I can get past the recording.  There are two city/state agencies that deal with home health care.  If you need a home health aide for a family member you will probably deal with either the Visiting Nurses Association (VNA) or Visiting Nurses Services (VNS).  These agencies find the aides and send them to your house.  These aides come complete with directions on what they can and cannot not do for the patient and believe me the list of what they cannot do is endless.

Eventually after coming to your home for a period of weeks, months or even years, they assimilate into your family and I don't know exactly when it happens but their presence in your home, at the dinner table, at birthdays, holidays and barbecues erases the fine line between employer and employee.  They become almost like family and that's when the fun begins.  When they don't show up for whatever reason like sickness or getting arrested (I kid you not) the agency sends a replacement.  I can usually set my clock by the time the aides arrive so when they don't call or show up by a certain time I know something is awry and that's when I start calling the agency.

"Please hold." I am certain that the music they play while you are on 'hold' is picked because it slowly drains you of your patience, than your sanity and than they figure you'll hang up.  But not me.  Oh no.  It only serves to incite me more and the longer I have to wait the worse my dander gets.  By the time someone answers the phone I have about ten seconds to get out what I want to say and than I hear, "Please hold."  At this point I have managed to say my mother's name before the music comes back on.

The next voice I hear is different from the first and she says, "Can I help you?"
"Yes, I am calling about a replacement aide for my mom..."
"Please hold," and the music is back on.
At this point my incisors are growing like Edward's in Twilight, my nails are protruding like that of Wolverine and I am gripping the phone as if I was in the Javelin competition of the Olympics.  It's lucky for them I didn't acquire the metaphysical capabilities of the invisible man or else I would have transported my self across the phone wires into their offices and broken that record!
By the time someone had come back on the line I had gotten my mom up, bathe her, dressed her and gone out for a walk!  Well not exactly, but close.

I know staffing is difficult for these trying jobs.  First of all, you don't have to speak English, secondly, you don't have to know anything about anything that is remotely connected with the workings of the agency, and lastly, you don't have to be responsible, you just have to know how to pass the buck and say, "Please hold!"